What lies in my heart

More than words can say
Or more than I dare say
Do I love you
But I would not explore it

Or define it
Afraid of what I might find
However unlikely
It may be

There is the risk of it
There always was
When a doctor treats such a patient
Sparks sometimes fly

At least so we were told
By those more experienced
In such matters
Their wisdom have I chosen to trust

And yet I ask myself
What is this in my heart
Is it loneliness or another animal
Or is it that long absent house guest

Who came for just a while
And altered
My eyes and my heart
Forever

I find it safer to think
It is nothing at all
But the care of a doctor
We swore to save lives, did we not?

Some other tools of mine beg to differ
And yet I would not listen
It is safer that way
Call me a coward but I prefer safety

At least compared to chaos
The chaos that emotions can stir
The whirlwind carrying
And destroying all in its path

And here I say the things I cannot
At attempt to understand
What lies in my heart
And if it lies to my heart.

My lonely heart

Where do they go
When they fall sick
And die
Lonely hearts, I mean

The seeming eternal silence
That surrounds me
Echoing ceaselessly
In my ears

There’s no one
To hear the beating
Of my heart
No one but me

No one to hear
The words that fill my heart
And they die
Yet unspoken

No one to
Hold me
When I am cold
And screaming from a nightmare

They plague me
When I am awake
My nights are filled
With twisting and turning, alone

Alone on my lonely pallet
Sleeping the sleep
Of the damned
And the weary

I tire
Of fighting despair
Can it not
Just up and leave

I have given my life away
And have nothing left but crumbs
It seems
I cannot ask for it to be returned

Would I
If I could
A scary question it itself
That I would even consider it

But what have I to do
In the heat of today’s battles
I fear
I am forgetting how to smile

And I have
No one to remind me
And save me
And my lonely heart from it all.

Battered and bruised, broken and waiting

I keep at it
Long and hard
On and on
Tirelessly, it seems

I keep doing
What I know to
I keep giving
All of myself

It seems
Little by little
I have exhausted
My supply

I sit
Battered, bruised and broken
And maybe
A little bitter

Is goodness
A trick
We play
On ourselves

Trying
To convince
Ourselves
That we will get the same

Or
Is it
Who
We are

I despair
I tire
Of waiting
For the dream

For the dream
To come true
Like I thought it would
Like I was told it would

And yet I cannot remember
Who told me
Perhaps that
Was another dream.

Just a little love

Somewhere
Deep down
Everybody
Wants it

To be loved
By somebody
To have
Somebody

To own
And be owned
By somebody
By something

Sometimes
Our response
Is to give
Hoping

Hoping
Somebody
Would want
To give back to us

Sometimes
We become
A refuge
To others

Masking the truth
That we
Seek
A refuge ourselves

We love
Hoping
That we will
Be loved

Is that
Our flaw
That we
Want to be loved

The world
Is filled
With people
Seeking this

We
However
Deal with it
Differently

Some
By going after
Every prospect
However unlikely

Many of those
Get used
By others
With another cure

Those
Try to get better
By inflicting pain
On others

The pain
They feel
They multiply
Endlessly

Some so want to receive
That coveted gift
That they forget
To give back

I give
And give
And give
And give

And then
My heart is broken
For there is none
That gives back to me

Giving is
For the strong
And I tire finally
Of being strong

Will somebody
Somewhere
Find me, and give me
Just a little love?

A dose of you (2)

Who are you?
This dream I cannot forget
Cannot name
But know somehow

This whiff of smoke
I see at the moments
Of my greatest pain
This longing I cannot name

Will you not show yourself
Before my last breath escapes me
And all that is left of me
Are memories in the heart of a few

Knowing
The only cure to my malady
Is a dose of you
Who I know and do not know.

Someday

Someday
Someday soon
I will
Fly away
Far away

To a place
Where lilies sip the sunshine
Which ever smiles
No dark clouds
To remind me
Of all that is wrong with the world

Someday
Someday soon
I will look into the eyes of a child
And it will be my eyes looking back at me
That little bundle will be mine

Someday soon
It will all be over
Today will be over
Yesterday long gone
Someday.