Undone

​Bottled up inside

All the pain and the hurt

Of several years gone by
New hurts come still

This day and that

To add to what’s inside
I’m wound up so tightly

Like I’m going to come loose

Somehow come undone
I try to

Talk myself into believing 

That it’s better this way
But I hurt

In places

I never knew I had places 
It’s hard for me to say

I’m jealous of the way 

You’re happy without me
Say something 

I’m giving up

On you
These words resonate

Painfully so

Sadly so.

Trying to forget

​Am I not a man undone 

Pulled by my heartstrings 

This way and that

Till things fall apart
It was not meant to be thus

It was supposed to be

The birth of a great love

And a new dawn
I try to forget 

And so I tell myself 

Many things 

I’m not sure I believe 
I need not believe 

I need only

To find strength 

For the days to come
It hurts still 

I try to turn away from it

But it hurts still

And poetry seems unable to purge me of the pain
I rant

But still I feel

The twisting of

A dagger in my heart
I smile sometimes 

To keep from expressing 

The pain I’d thought I’d never feel again

Yet here I am, again.

Two strikes?

​Again I have loved

And again I have lost

Two strikes

Waiting for the third 
Or for the resurrection 

Of a love gone sour

One would have me believe 

But I do not hold my breath waiting 
Will it be

Will it not

The business of living 

Does not stop to await an answer 
Is it worth

All the heartache 

And wondering wanderings

My overactive mind chooses to torment me with
Can one expect

That someday one would find

That elusive pokemon

Hiding in plain sight
I wander from stall to stall

Seeking the vendors of hope

To replace the ones I lost

On my adventures or misadventures 
Weep not heart of mine 

Death will come soon enough 

No need to die before then

After a hundred years feel free to.

Afraid 

​Afraid 

Of me

The me I see

When I think about you
I’m afraid 

That I might

Build walls around my heart

And have the Night’s Watch stand guard
I’m afraid 

That no one

Will ever dare to love me 

Warts and all
I’m afraid 

That love is just a dream 

Believed by too many 

Just like me
I’m afraid 

That my life’s work

Would be looked upon 

With scorn
I’m afraid 

That I might become 

Too afraid 

To ever love again.

What lies underneath 

​You might never know

You might never find out

How good I could have been

To you and for you
You with the many faces

Of all the girls that I’ve loved

You might never get to meet

The one whose greatest desire is to give
Too soon you walked

Away from the tomorrow we’d talked about 

The castles in the air 

That we’d built together
The cobwebs

Of the pain my heart had endured 

Distracted you from seeing the man underneath 

Who only wanted to love and be loved 
And you would not stay

To see the layers of pain peel away

And love be revealed finally 

Pure as rain, sweeping you away
Perhaps someday I’ll find

The one who would stay

Till the end

And love be revealed underneath.